The appointment and study were done across the street from each other, and we could take a skywalk where Garrett could watch the trains go up and down the streets in Houston. Here is Garrett enjoying the view:
First, a resident, Dr. D, she asked Garrett to call her, came in and asked all sorts of questions to update Garrett's chart. She was one of the most interesting, kind, caring physicians I have EVER had the chance to meet. Garrett LOVED her!! This photo was taken while I was talking with Dr. Koenig and Garrett was being a loud terror. Dr. D convinced him to come under the blanket with her and hide!!! This lady will make a child's day and will make parents feel their child is in the very, very best care someday when she is a pediatric neurologist. We pray she continues with this spirit!!
Garrett had a big day today. Considering that, he was pretty amazing. Yes, there were many outbursts, lots of screaming, and lots of pulling his new suitcase around with people staring!! I blog tonight in a weird place...mood-wise. I am thrilled we have some things we can do to try to help him more. I am completely discouraged that some of my worst fears are coming true: my child had mental illness issues, not just one, but several. Horrifies me. Before I had children, I shared with my mom that I wished I could adopt handicapped children and raise them. The handicaps I mentioned then were physical. If I had a child with no legs and no arms, by God if they told me they wanted to summit Everest, I could make it happen, and for those of you who know me as an only child, you know I MEANT IT!! I also told her on more than one occasion before and during the arrival of our three angels, that my worst fear, maybe worse than the fear of their having cancer or dying, was the fear one would have a mental illness or challenge. And by the way, I also told my mom and Grouchy that I knew something was not right with Garrett when he was still in my belly. I always felt so helpless when I thought of the challenge of raising a child like that. To date Garrett is OCD, Autistic, has anxiety issues, ADHD and sensory processing disorder. It has happened. I am still alive, but my very soul is crushed, smashed and very sad. I worry too much about the future, and sometimes is handicaps ME!! And more times than not, I am very happy, fulfilled, and sometimes even okay with things. However, I have to get over myself now. I have to give up the what-if's and be okay with the here-we-are's. It cannot be about me anymore, ever. I have to focus more on the here and now.....not the teen I am afraid will not take his meds and get into serious trouble or the adult with mental who cannot ever function in the real world, or worse yet, the mentally unstable adult in the world after I am dead and gone someday. Who will love him, what will his living conditions be? Will he and can he be happy? Independent? Loved? I must learn to push it aside and beg God for the mercy of sheltering me from my own thoughts. But most of all, ask God to heal Garrett in the ways he chooses and help him grow into the person only God can make him. That's a hard prayer because it means I have to be okay with things no matter what, right? Faith, right? Uuuuggghhh.