Mattress, Or Not.

NOT!!!

Grouchy and I have been blaming snow skiing for our recent back issues. We both wake in the morning in discomfort. I finally realized it is time for a new mattress. Ours has been flipped like a pancake ever quarter for about 10 years, and it's just TIME!!! So while DiDi, Grouchy's mom is here, we decided to head to Costco to get a new one. We called ahead and everything, had one held, and hit the road to Boise, just the two of us. We had productive discussion on a business idea I *really hope* works out, less is more concept, how we have to just get sitters for Garrett whenever we want to go anywhere besides church and his appointments, and finally had time to be alone and talk. Seems we might have more time than this to talk, but he is early to bed, early to rise, and I am on the opposite program. So it was nice to catch up. We made it to Costco 30 minutes before closing, grabbed some other items we needed, and went to check out. We bought the mattress and box springs and waited for someone to bring them up to the checkout area. I stayed there with the cart while Grouchy went to get the truck. As I stood by the mattress, I started noticing it was a Sealy Posturpedic mattress but had all sorts of references to "soft, memory foam, extra cushion, PLUSH!!" and I began to realize I was about to take home the same exact mattress Grouchy's mom had that I could not even go to sleep on...OOPS!!! We like a firm mattress, not a foofy one! I decided to mention this to Grouchy when he pulled up in the truck, but then he looked at me weird and said, "Wait, we don't need box springs, just the mattress." Well, I have had this same conversation with furniture stores and Costco, and as we say in the South, "It just ain't so!!!" Got to buy them together, no options there!! So we put all this info together, and between having something we didn't really want AND not being able to fit it in the truck, we promptly returned the mattress!
We came home and flipped our exhausted mattress one more time in hopes of getting a couple more nights' rest on it, and we may try shopping again this week. Such a ton of drama to get some sleep!!!

We are loving having DiDi here, but I am sure she is ready to leave!! We honestly wear out our moms and my dad with babysitting Garrett while they are here. My parents are planning to be here all summer......may never see them again after that, HA!!! Our families are so supportive and loving. I miss our LA family so much!!!! We have great help here with sitters, and I know if we were anywhere, we would have to be spending resources on sitters because you can only beg family for help so much!! But still, it's so nice to have family here in the guest house where Garrett can go between houses, eat both houses empty, entertain us with his jabber about what is going on in the guest house, and just have loved ones so close. And did I mention we have sitters readily available and completely captive???

Tomorrow Garrett is getting "cast" for new braces for his feet. He has had pre-fab ones right before he walked at 24 months of age, and then since about 2.5 years, he has had custom braces. His current pair is so big, and we don't know why. It's like his feet have gotten skinny or they were way too big to begin with, and I don't remember that. These come just above the ankle and are called an SMO. He had ones called AFOs once that went to the calf, and due to his knees locking some while walking, waddling gate and increased slouch in his upper back, we may go back to higher braces to the calf for a while to see if we get some positive change like we did when he had those last time. The higher you brace a child's legs, the more you lose below the braces, so he will not use his ankles as much, but we think the trade-offs to strengthen his core by using his legs correctly and helping straighten his back again as they did last go-round are worth it. Time will tell, and if we want to change the braces within 90 days of delivery, we can have them changed for free. Good deal, but then for $1,400, it better be good!!!

Wednesday will be a long, hopefully productive day. In the afternoon will be Garrett's parent-teacher conference. His IEP will have it's 3 year re-do the following week, and I expect his teacher will ask me what I would like to do with him next year. I plan to ask for kindergarten with a classroom with an aide or two. We will see what happens. Our country is so messed up right now with cuts in funding in areas where it is certainly not going to help people with needs, but I digress!! But before that, beginning at 8 am in Boise, Idaho, we have Garrett's first appointment with a neuropsychologist. We are told by the clinic to expect to be there 3-4 hours while they test and evaluate him, then they will talk with us. I think I will go solo or Grouchy's mom, DiDi, might go with me. I am looking forward to diving into the mental stuff, finally. I really never thought it would come to this. I thought we were dealing with delays, but now we are rapidly approaching Garrett's sixth birthday in July, and delays are really not what we have. We have him, the him we have. While I like appointments because I feel I am actively "doing something to help my son," I realize there will be no magic wands there, but at least there will be professionals who can maybe guide us. Today I began getting a sinking feeling about the appointment. What if I get hit with bigger bricks than I am still aching from now? What if we start really verbalizing, outside our family and close friends and blog, that our son is slow, disabled, retarted???? My soul sinks, my heart aches, and while I say I want to be real and face the facts so we can move forward and find the very best sitaution in our home and Garrett's educational environment, I would trade this any day for that non-walking 20 month old with his feeding tube, lack of words and sweet, sweet baby smile and simplicity. Funny, it didn't seem simple then, but compared to now.......

Tonight I go to bed on the flipside of our old mattress....perhaps a metaphor to be had. The flipside of my thinking is that things will be fine. Life is short. I am Garrett's mom. Someday we will be in Heaven with new bodies, brains, the same souls, and then, then for sure, I will meet my son the way God originally designed him......strong, funny, and completely sane. But then with some of my doubts and anger, I just hope I make it to meet him there. Our Sunday school lesson talked about having to have only a tiny bit of faith to be granted God's kingdom. I hope I understand that right. I do have faith, but it is so small sometimes. I feel like a little girl again, but this time without the dreams and hopes I had as a child. Now I hope we just do the best we can with all three of our children, leading them alongside Christ and letting them know we love them more than anything on earth!!!

Godspeed,
Clara-Leigh