Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Will I Be Okay?

Garrett says to me every day now, "Will I be okay?"

I am pretty sure it is one of his little mental games like replaying getting hurt or scared and hearing us tell him that he will be okay, but it really hits me weird every time he says it. I am sure it is an innocent, Garrett-type repetition. He has so many. But it is a question that makes me really, really think every single time he asks me. And the immediate answer is,"Yes, Garrett, you will be okay!! You will be just fine!" But in my stomach, lunch starts to jump around, and I my little mind starts wondering around my large, mostly empty cranium. Will he be fine? Will I be fine? Will we all be fine? What IS fine? Is our fine FINE? Does he know something in his little soul that we don't know he knows? Does he feel NOT-fine? Does he pick up on how UN-fine his world is in relation to the rest of the world? Does he have internal things going on that we don't even know are happening......and the answer to that is yes because his body is running out of the genetic material he needs to make energy to stay alive. Am I being overly-thoughful about his innocent question, or is there something to it?

So I answer it in the simple way each time, assuring him that he will be fine. And my heart jumps and my veggies start rumbling in my tummy again as I ponder it each time he asks because, well, I don't know if he will be fine. Or maybe I do.

Heaven. Just one word makes it all okay. Losing Garrett on earth would not be anywhere near okay, normal, average, desirable or, well, it would be the worst. But I do know that through Christ we are redeemed, and I know God has already claimed Garrett's little soul and has a special place for him. So yes, Little Buddy, you will be okay no matter what happens. So therein lies the next question. Will WE be okay??? NO!!!!!! But still, the simple faith Addie and Ainslee so frequently remind me of will carry is all into Heaven where we will all be eternally okay.

What's the lesson? Keep our eyes on Heaven and store treasures in Heaven, not on earth. Meanwhile, love like crazy and keep reminding us all that no matter what, we will BE OKAY!!!!




  1. Well said!! He is such a cutie!

  2. I get all the feeling and emotions in your post....and your right, if not here, our boys will be whole and free of this awful disease in heaven...I have faith one day I will *hear* Hudson's voice, one day I will *run* with Hudson, *laugh* with him....he will *hold* my hand...I am waiting for that *one day*....hold onto them tight here....fight like mad to overcome this thing called mito, then know...
    one way or another, healing awaits....

    Blessings....Deb& H