Sunday, August 14, 2011

What's With Me?

This has been a really fun, exhausting week of the county fair with Ainslee and her two heifers (cows who are about one year old) there all week. She survived showing them. They are so gentle at home but acted bizerk the night before the show when I went to the show barn at the fairgrounds by myself to check on our 4-H club's six head of cattle and walk Ainslee's heifers in the empty show ring. I thought they were going to shred me!!! But then the next day, they showed up in their kind nature and made us very proud AND kept my Ainslee safe!!! She placed third out of seven kiddos in showmanship (where the child is judged on how well they show the animal) and her two heifers placed 5th and 6th out of 12 in the class where they were compared to heifers with similar birthdays based on looking at the heifers as future calf producers.

So what's up with me??? Well, I am back to noticing this negativity I am harboring towards Garrett. I LOVE HIM WITH ALL I HAVE!!! But when I get lots of time away from Garrett with just my two girls or the girls and Grouchy, I absolutely, fully enjoy life and feel so free, fun and confident. Then I come home to Garrett or wake up with his sweet noise in my world and I feel very short-fused and impatient. It's like I get comfortable in "normal normal," and then I get back to "our normal," and it doesn't fit my plan. It's selfishness, plain and simple, but it is real. It is just so easy to track down Ainslee when she goes exploring all over the fair. No tantrums, meltdowns, true issues. It was liberating and enjoyable to just take off walking somewhere and not have to account for heat, attitude, or time of day and meds for Garrett. I could work in our fundraiser homemade pie booth TWO two hour shifts and not be in a hurry or be distracted. I had wonderful time just being my girls' mom and talking to and meeting other parents and kiddos showing their livestock. And then the!!! It was so much FUN!!!! But then home to reality. And somebody has to deal with Garrett while I am off enjoying life. And that really puts a damper on things. Uuuugggghhhh. It's the pendulum again.....swinging wildly from the highs to the lows......

And I was lying here typing instead of sleeping, with the news channel on, a commercial for the Muscular Dystrophy Association came on. It was a very nice, new ad. I was excited to see it because Telethon is coming up very soon....Labor Day weekend. And it hit me again. My son has this disease. It has come from a very touching campaign to raise money to help "those poor kiddos and adults with muscular dystrophy" to being our life and a monster that taunts me, taunts all of us in this house, daily.

On a very bright note, Cooper Knight's SOOOOO AMAZING grandmother contacted me today to follow-up on our desire to help with an air show north of Houston that is a fundraiser for Dr. K's clinic. Dr. K is our mito doctor and we adore her and appreciate her group's research and clinical missions. So I have lots of calls to make to see what type of cool aviation-related items we might be able to get to auction at the air show. I have to contact military friends to see about getting more military aircraft flown into the show and parked for people to get to see. I am so excited to be able to pitch in. Wish I could go to the air show!!! I hope we can build some long-term relationships with people who can help make this fundraiser grow!!!! I know Cooper is looking down on "his" air show with pride for what his family and so many people work toward...a CURE for mito!!!

Blessings to each of you. Please say a little prayer that Garrett continues to stay healthy and that he adjusts well as school starts for him August 22 and we begin a new year of homeschooling Addie and Ainslee.


1 comment:

  1. Always thinking about you, friend! Wish I were there to give you a hug. :-)