Not Normal

While Addie and Ainslee were in church tonight for AWANA, Garrett wasn't 100% so he asked to stay with me, and he had to go to WalMart with me. He loves any store with shopping carts, so I thought it could be fun. Shoot, we had 1 hour and 45 minutes to get a medium size shopping list filled and then we could just look around and play with the toys!!

Garrett was AMAZINGLY well-behaved. He didn't take off across the parking lot like he sometimes does without me. He stayed with me as he pushed his cart. He didn't mow over any customers with his cart. He started asking to go see toys, and I was starting to think, "Man, this has been so incredible! He looks and acts so normal here tonight, and it is just a relaxing time for us both to just enjoy time together! How cool is this???"

Then, it happened.

Garrett skipped a dose of ExLax a couple of nights ago, and he has been needing to poop some more. I had no idea WalMart would bring it out in him!! He starts stopping the cart every 20 feet and screaming, "I AM POOPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And I mean screaming....not yelling or saying or shouting...SCREAMING!!! He must have done this 5-10 times before he stopped. People were staring. I honestly found some humor in it, then ignored it as there was nothing I could do about it. He is still 100% in diapers, and we do not see that changing too soon. He doesn't want help. Mention a toilet and it's like you told me Krispy Kreme stopped making chocolate covered creme filled donuts. But he needed to scream it out. Once we got to the toy aisle he didn't do it as much, but it kept happening some. And all that over a very, very small amount of stool. Oh well.

Tonight just goes to show the range of experiences we have with our little man. The highs can come from the most simple, daily things that to average people seem mundane or plain un-fun (like going to WalMart). But when I reach one of these highs, like Garrett behaving well and staying with me, not running into traffic, I soar like an Eagle, thank God, celebrate the bursting in my heart with joy!! But then reality. Behaviors that are honestly, very retarted looking. I know, that's not a PC word, but it's what it is. The meltdowns. The repetitive questions about the same thing. The anger and rages. The way he loves the baby toy aisle at WalMart at age 5 yrs and 7 months. And my crystal shoe shatters. Reality is back, and I crumple into bed next to Grouchy and say, "You know, we are in this for all of our earthly life. There's no fix. There's no magic pill. It is our reality. I am scared. I am angry. I am sad. I wish I could know my kid and he could know me like we were "suppose to." And no, I don't think God made him like this. That would completely go against all the things I have been taught about God."

So on the lighter side, I text messaged Grouchy, my mom and my three awesome sister-in-laws about Garrett's screaming that he is pooping in WalMart, and we all had good laughs about how maybe more people would love to poop in WalMart or ON WalMart and let everyone know!!!

Godspeed, and please pray for Cooper Knight and his family tonight.
Clara-Leigh